Have you been experiencing that tingling feeling all over your body?
The sensational joy of new relationship energy?
Right from the moment, you met this special one, butterflies fluttered in your
stomach and you felt like you were on top of the world.?
Well, welcome to the world of an exhilarating combination of dopamine,
adrenaline, and norepinephrine. Mmmmm, doesn’t that feel delicious?
This whole experience has a scientific name and that is NRE. It stands for New Relationship Energy or New Relationship Excitement.
Hey but hold on!
That’s not exactly love as you may have experienced it.
But of course, that could be the start of love.
NRE starts with emotional blinders.
It is what is responsible for everything that seems so bright, sunshiny and has lots of rainbows everywhere. You feel like nothing can be better than that. Everything is just ‘Perfect’. This could be defined as a phase that makes you blind to anything negative or alarming, and blocks off any sense of reasoning you had immediately prior to these feelings. We are looking out for your interests, so pleased take in what you feel is appropriate to you.
Let’s now look at some of the factors that keep you blinded form any rational thought during he early stages of a new relationship.
New Relationship Energy Blocks
Factors that might contribute to the blinders of NRE include:
1- People in your close circle like friends and colleagues are already paired off and you feel left behind, or you feel you are running out of time.
2- You wished for Mr. Right. Someone turns up. You grab hold of this person because he was the very next financially stable guy that showed up in your life.
3- You were dreaming of an intimate relationship and can’t hide it anymore. You are desperate.
4- He appears to have that one specific quality that you always wanted your jerk of an ex to have.
In short, these blinders appear at the very start of a relationship. However, when someone in your close circle tries to warn you about something, or ask you to be cautious, you feel that he or she is your worst enemy. You think your well-meaning frienddoesn’t want to see you happy, However, they are really trying to warn you because you have succumbed to the spell of NRE… new relationship energy!
So, NRE is tempting, but it can also be dangerous for your life, if you feed the flame too much and ignore any contrary signs. To keep it in check you need to follow some guidelines so that you can enjoy these NRE chemicals, rather thanjust blindly plunging right in and possiblyruining your life later on. (Sounds dramatic… but for some needy people this can happen.)
Steps to Take to Improve Relationship Energy
Some of these steps may appear to be tedious because you will be making lists and doing comparisons, and this goes against the grain of what you think romantic relationships are all about. However, if you have these boundaries already set up, each new relationship theoretically, should be improving your experience level and you will be enjoying them more and more.
1- Review Your Relationships and Map their Importance to You:
When you get into a new relationship, the NRE starts working its magic on you. Whilst your whole life is focused on one person, you ignore the rest of the world.
It’s nice that you are giving your feelings priority and you are happy. But you need to create a visual representation of other people and activities that are important to you.
Try writing these things down on paper and mark how much they are opposite or close to yourassessment of the qualities and attributes of your most recent squeeze. You might find that you are not as excited to do those activities as you were pre-NRE. That’s fine though, it’s completely normal to feel this way, but try to keep some of them in perspective.
Similarly, give your other connections some thought too. See if you are still in touch with them and are on good terms with the people you liked to be around pre-NRE. You don’t want to ignore your friends who have been there through thick and thin. This might be a burden to do this exercise, or it might feel artificial for now. However, if you stick to the task and keep things in check, this will turn out to be most beneficial later on.
2- Take Care to Make Sure Your Close People Feel Loved and Wanted:
Some relationship advisors recommend totally focusing on new relationship energy with your romantic partners. But in my opinion, this is limited because what takes place in NRE can affect your other relationships as well. Friends, children, business partners, activity partners, neighbours, colleagues, and other family members all can be affected by your actions and your centre of focus. Yes. It is advised you pay more attention to these relationships than normal during NRE. This will help in providing the nourishment to this new relationship. And this early attention may well be the element that help it stay healthy and strong.
By giving importance to your other relationships as well, you can maintain the balance between your longer-standing connections and the exhilaration of NRE. This will help reduce the chances of possible unintended consequences later on, when such friends and family feel neglected or abandoned to the exhilaration of this shiny new love interest.
3- Hold your Horses, don’t Plan far Ahead:
We have found that it is usually a better idea to limit your future planning for the first two years of your new relationship. NRE works magic to keep the certainty meter high for your decisions during its reign. You need to practice a rule of thumb that if you are in a relationship for 3 months, then plan only ahead for 3 months into the future. This can help save you from making such a life-changing commitment that may come unstuck later. Even if you feel like you’ve known them for ages, the reality is that you have only just started to know them. Taking it slow and steady will help you shape a better current and future relationship.
4- Know When you Need to Create some Personal Space:
New relationship energy is so overwhelming that it fills up all your senses. You should try to know when the feelings of joy are high and could make you feel unbalanced, and when you need some personal space. If your new relationship is overshadowing your personal life to the point that you aren’t able to carry out the basic functions of being an adult, then you should start to look after yourself before you burn out, or the relationship fizzles out.
Talk this out with your partner about your need to manage your personal living space. Have them understand that you have some responsibilities towards yourself. This might mean that you should try to take up some activities or hobbies to give yourself some ‘me’ time. You can try spending time with friends and family, exercising, music, or whatever else that works for you. So you can take a little break, and regain some sense of normality.
5- Reserve Some Time for Exclusively ‘you’:
This will be the toughest task to keep your addictive self, sane. It is very hard and painful to feel separated from the object of your sheer joy, but it is also a very necessary test to check whether this relationship has long-term potential.
Create some hours of the day when you are intentionally not in contact. That could be the time in your gym or your hobby of gardening. Try to pour some of that creative energy that is stirring up in you into other passions. Make sure that these are at those times which work for you and don’t disturb another person’s schedule.
Let the Energy Spread into The Rest of Your Life
There’s a lot of joy in NRE, and it is completely normal and good. The extra positivity you get from it can help you make pretty much everything better. Try to distribute this joy evenly in your work, friendships, other relationships, and mostly in your likely neglected passions.
If you have had other romantic relationships, then take the time to recall the experiences both good and bad, and try to assess what happened and what qualities your admired in the previous partner, and compare these to your new partner. This practical approachto being able to experience more joy in a new relationship will hold you in good stead, even though these tasks appear to be far too practical for assessing a romantic relationship.
Try them and see what happens. This pre planning could be just the thing you need to allow for experiencing NRE more sustainability, and being able to bring a positive burst of your energy into your entire life.
I wish you a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship to cherish!